Gridiron Girl


I’m Errrrrywhere!
September 26, 2009, 4:31 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Hi All!

Just thought y’all would like to know I’m writing a gossip column over at Third Coast Digest.

TTYL! -GG

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Fabulous Fantasy Football Tips and Tactics

Hey All! With fantasy football draft season  in full-swing, who better than me, Gridiron Girl — an expert of all things football AND fabulous —  to give you a list of fantasy tips…

Get Pumped.

  • No one likes a mindless follower, so zig when everyone else zags and select a kicker with your first pick. This will signal to everyone that you’re not going to abide by their preconceived notions of “strategy” and “competence.”
  • The second round is considered the “Alliteration Round,” so be on the lookout for players like Ray Rice, Brian Brohm, Joe Jurevicious and Wes Welker.
  • Handcuffing is essential for Fantasy Success — be sure to draft a lot of Cincinnati Bengals.
  • Follow punter stats closely — field position affects scoring on all three phases of fantasy football.
Brad Maynard devastates another Fantasy Team.
  • Know your league scoring format; some leagues use “PPR” scoring. If you are in a Points-Per-Retribution league — where points are scored for cheap shots and poor sportsmanship — consider moving Hines Ward and Albert Haynesworth up your draftboard.
  • Be aware of “bye weeks”: The more players you draft with the same bye week the stronger your team is for the rest of the season.
  • If your draft is in-person, nothing intimidates other owners like the severed head of a pig perched precariously close to the edge of your drafting table.
  • Drafting live is like playing poker. Make sure to wear sunglasses and a promotional hat.
  • If you pick up a Gramatica early, make sure you nab a sibling deeper in the draft… You never can have too many Gramaticas.

  • A league is not won on draft day, but it can be wasted away in a blur of hotwings and Monster energy drink.
  • Remember, fantasy football is primarily for losers. You can avoid this stigma by periodically reminding everyone that you’re still cool by performing Austin Powers impressions and referencing Bud Light commercials.
  • Consistent, and accurate-throwing Chad Pennington is a low-risk, high-reward, fucking-boring choice for QB.
  • Utility players like Chris Cooley are especially valuable; Cooley will have tight end, running back, and finger-pointing duties for the Redskins this season.
  • Drafting other owners’ backup running backs is an excellent way to throw away draft picks AND be a dick.


Cutlacher: P*ssygate!
August 5, 2009, 6:29 am
Filed under: Big Talk, Off-Field Antics | Tags: , , , ,

Uh-oh, Cutlacher is getting catty! It’s an urban jungle out there filled with all kinds of Lions, and Panthers, and Jaguars (oh my!).  Save your claws for when they count!  Meeeeee-ow!

http://blogs.chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/rosenblog/2009/07/urlachercutler-this-is-great.html

Urlacher-Cutler: This is great

It’s my snarky, you can cry if you want to …

Maybe Brian Urlacher called Jay Cutler that exact naughty word that Vikings wideout-slash-former Bear-slash-Urlacher pal Bobby Wade said on a Minnesota radio station, maybe he didn’t.

But this is great.

Maybe the Bears’ middle linebacker confronted the team’s new golden boy in the locker room during off-season team activities, perhaps to the point of requiring teammates to separate them, depending on whom you believe, maybe not.

But this is great.

Something happened. Absolutely. Something was said, something happened. Urlacher and Wade got together in Vegas last week. Urlacher had a thought on Cutler. A perfectly understandable thought, by the way, what with the way Cutler whined his way out of Denver.

“I don’t want to get him in trouble,” Wade told the radio station, “but it wasn’t what [the Bears] expected. Pretty much [Urlacher] said Jay Cutler was a [bleep] for the most part.”

You could argue that Wade was using his word for the way Urlacher characterized Cutler, but whatever, this isn’t some made-up story. This is not a Vikings plan to deflect attention from their own quarterback mess that has been handled so miserably you’d think Rashied Davis was the intended receiver. Connect the dots, people.

You don’t have to look beyond the way everybody has gone into spinning mode, specifically Urlacher’s offering a non-denial denial lacking the anger of injustice. Ballgame.

And look who’s getting into the gossip game… Chicago Public Radio with a hilarious Cutlacher phone convojuicy!




Dressing to Regress

You know the drill girls; you might dress like all that but if you don’t have any substance behind the style, the big boys’ll throw you back in the pile.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=ap-49ers-nolanfired&prov=ap&type=lgns

49ers fire Nolan, promote Singletary to head coach
By GREG BEACHAM, AP Sports Writer

AP – Oct 20, 9:26 pm EDT

SANTA CLARA, Calif. (AP)—His teams never played as well as he dressed.

Mike Nolan, the San Francisco 49ers’ dapper coach, was fired Monday night after seven games in his fourth consecutive dismal season, ending his attempt to rebuild the five-time Super Bowl champions.

After four straight losses culminating in Sunday’s 29-17 defeat to the New York Giants, the 49ers didn’t even wait until their bye next week before replacing Nolan with assistant head coach Mike Singletary. The Hall of Fame linebacker will take over for the rest of the season, general manager Scot McCloughan said.

Nolan cut a striking figure on the 49ers’ sideline in his custom-made dress suits and ties. His team’s performances, however, could not match his sartorial splendor. He was 18-37 in nearly 3 1/2 seasons with the 49ers, who hired the veteran defensive coordinator to run every aspect of the club in January 2005.

Nolan brought back a measure of respectability to a franchise that finished with the NFL’s worst record in 2004, but he has the lowest winning percentage (.327) among any San Francisco coaches who made it through more than one season with the team. He barely avoided dismissal after finishing 5-11 last season, but couldn’t even make it to midseason this fall.
 
“The decision was difficult, because Mike has been both a friend and valued coach of our team,” said McCloughan, who was hired by Nolan but gained authority over the coach last year. “My first obligation is to do what is in the best interest of our fans and the entire 49ers organization.”

Instead of logically delaying a decision on Nolan’s fate until the bye following Sunday’s home game against Seattle, McCloughan and owners John and Jed York suddenly couldn’t wait another day to get rid of the family’s choice to fix the 49ers, who have endured five consecutive losing seasons and haven’t made the playoffs since 2002.

Nolan was the third NFL coach to be dismissed during the season, joining Oakland’s Lane Kiffin and St. Louis’ Scott Linehan. The Rams have won two straight games under interim coach Jim Haslett, and the Raiders are 1-1 under Tom Cable.

Yet the 49ers still came up with a bizarre way to announce a decision that should fill their fans with joy. Nolan first confirmed his firing to FOXSports.com, but the team waited more than six hours to make a formal announcement.

Nolan seemed to have no idea he would be fired when he conducted his usual news conference earlier Monday, and he didn’t return a phone call from The Associated Press. Several team executives—including Jed York—and coaches either wouldn’t comment or didn’t return phone messages, e-mails or text messages, while most 49ers players only knew what they heard on TV.

Such abrupt, secretive decision-making is no surprise from an organization run by the mercurial York family, which took over the 49ers after beloved owner Eddie DeBartolo lost control of the team in 2000 to his sister, Denise DeBartolo York.

The 49ers’ fortunes have plummeted under the Yorks, who improbably gave power over every aspect of the Niners’ football operations to Nolan, a career assistant who had never been a personnel executive. The unorthodox arrangement finally reached the conclusion many expected when Nolan was shown the door.

Singletary, the famed centerpiece of the Chicago Bears’ dominant defense on their 1986 Super Bowl team, has been at Nolan’s side since 2003, when he worked for Nolan on the Baltimore Ravens’ coaching staff. Singletary interviewed for a handful of head coaching vacancies in recent years, but was out of the NFL from the end of his playing career in 1992 until joining the Ravens.

“I am confident that Mike Singletary’s leadership ability, along with his experience as both a Hall of Fame player and coach, gives him the ability to turn our season around,” McCloughan said.

The 49ers didn’t manage a winning season or make a significant impact on the league in Nolan’s tenure. In fact, he might end up being best remembered in San Francisco for his insistence on wearing a suit and tie on the sideline for the 49ers’ home games.

After two years of protracted negotiations with Reebok, which has a contract to supply clothing to the league’s coaches, Nolan got permission to wear his specially designed suits for two games in 2006 and a full home season last year. He claimed they projected an image of authority while paying tribute to the league’s former coaching greats, including his late father, Dick, who coached the 49ers and New Orleans Saints.

The 49ers fielded the NFL’s worst offense during two of Nolan’s first three seasons, including last year. His first two offensive coordinators—Mike McCarthy and Norv Turner—left after one season for head coaching jobs, and Mike Martz became his fourth offensive coordinator last winter.

Nolan’s future also was heavily tied to quarterback Alex Smith, the No. 1 overall pick in 2005. Smith never became a consistent starter in his first three seasons, and had an embarrassing public spat with Nolan last year over the severity of the quarterback’s shoulder injuries, which forced him onto injured reserve.

Smith’s shoulder gave him more problems this year, and the quarterback went on injured reserve before the season began. The 49ers promoted veteran journeyman J.T. O’Sullivan to the starting job, but a decent offense under Martz’s direction hasn’t been able to counteract a defense that has yielded a league-high 196 points.



“Psssst, their running backs are never that good”

Like that country dreamer that finally makes it to the city; Brett was so eager to tell the secrets his old town held so dear… but after the Big Apple gets the best out of him, where’s this country boy going to lay his hat?

 

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Favre-commits-football-treason-tells-Lions-abou?urn=nfl,116014

Report: Favre commits football treason, shares Packers’ plans
By Chris Chase

Jay Glazer of FOX Sports reports that Brett Favre called the Detroit Lions earlier this year to give them a scouting report on his old team, the Green Bay Packers. Writes Glazer:

“Several sources have told FOX Sports that Favre earlier this year phoned the Detroit Lions prior to their battle versus Favre’s old team, the Green Bay Packers, and gave them a rundown of the nuances of what Green Bay does on offense. According to the sources, Favre actually spent over an hour on the phone with Lions coaches, who were connected with Favre by then-team president Matt Millen.”

Favre has allegedly done this with a number of teams, but his chat with the Lions was more in-depth than any other, reports Glazer. Despite the Favrian tips, Detroit still lost that week 2 matchup, 48-25. 

The hour long call to Detroit higher-ups came during the week Favre and the Jets were preparing for the Brady-less Patriots. Up until that point, Favre had played just one regular season game in New York. One can’t help but think that the quarterback’s time might have been better spent learning his new team’s playbook instead of discussing his old team’s playbook.

Such insider trading isn’t against league rules; teams often sign players recently cut by an upcoming opponent in order to get some insight into formations and schemes. But for Favre to call up the Lions, apparently unsolicited, to divulge information comes across as petty. Although, petty as it may have been, I’m sure Brett Favre sold out his former club like a little kid having a lot of fun out there.



Manning Up

There’s a Giant difference between these two brothers-et-arms… and there’s no question who’s going to be Manning the next football dynatsty —  the numbers don’t lie, they Eli.

http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/football/giants/2008/10/07/2008-10-07_experts_say_giants_qb_eli_manning_surpas.html\

Experts say Giants QB Eli Manning surpasses brother Peyton
By RALPH VACCHIANO
DAILY NEWS SPORTS WRITER

Wednesday, October 8th 2008, 12:12 AM 
 
It looks like younger brother Eli Manning may have taken the reins from brother Peyton as best quarterback in the family.

Eight months ago, Eli Manning was the Super Bowl MVP. Now he’s the MVM.

In the battle for supremacy in the First Family of the NFL, young Eli has – at least temporarily – overtaken his older brother as the best Manning in football. Four games into the season, Eli leads Peyton in every significant, quarterback-measuring category. And one quarter of the way through his fifth NFL season, the kid once dubbed Eli the Terrible is suddenly rated the fifth-best quarterback in the league.

“That doesn’t surprise me,” said Marshall Faulk, the former Rams running back and now an NFL Network analyst. “I’ve listened to Peyton talk about his little brother and Peyton says that this kid is something special. You’ve got to believe Peyton Manning knows something about quarterbacks and he’s not just saying it because it’s his little brother.”

It is true that Peyton has been touting the merits of Eli ever since his kid brother was in high school, but it’s only recently that Peyton has truly had to look up at him. Peyton, of course, was watching from a luxury box when Eli won Super Bowl XLII last February, and became the second straight Manning to win the MVP. And now, Peyton is the leader of the 2-2 Indianapolis Colts, while Eli is 4-0 and leading arguably the best team in the league.

Not only that, Peyton – an eight-time Pro Bowler on the fast track to the Hall of Fame – has slipped to 20th in the quarterback rankings. His passer rating of 79.2 not only puts him way behind Eli (99.7), but also behind signal-callers such as Chicago’s Kyle Orton (87.6), Oakland’s JaMarcus Russell (84.9), and San Francisco’s J.T. O’Sullivan (82.2).

“It’s very early and I would never count Peyton out,” said one NFC scout. “But at the moment, it looks like Eli is set up to have the better year.”

 



Belichick Gets Randy Behind Closed Doors

If you ask this Gridiron Girl — what goes on behind closed doors is everyone’s business.  Sure, at some point you’ll want to get Randy, but next time you plan a secret “workout”, maybe you should work out a better alibi first.

BY FOR NOW!  -G.G.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=ap-patriots-tampering&prov=ap&type=lgns

Belichick denies tampering accusation by Davis
By HOWARD ULMAN, AP Sports Writer
Oct 1, 6:00 pm EDT

FOXBOROUGH, Mass. (AP)—Patriots coach Bill Belichick denied Wednesday the claim by Raiders owner Al Davis that New England had a workout with Randy Moss before obtaining him in a trade with Oakland.

Davis said Tuesday that the Patriots had tampered with Moss before the deal in April 2007 that brought the wide receiver to the Patriots for a fourth-round choice that year on the weekend of the NFL draft.

“I’ve told the story about Randy many, many times,” Belichick said in a conference call with members of the media covering the 49ers, “and the first time I ever talked to Randy was the Sunday morning of the second day of the draft last year.

“So that’s the first time I met him. That’s the first time I talked to him. There was no workout. There was no other contact with him.”

Davis made the tampering accusation after ending a news conference in which he announced the firing of coach Lane Kiffin.

Asked Wednesday if he had a response to Davis, Moss said, “No, not at all.”

Belichick sidestepped the question when asked by New England reporters, saying he was concentrating on Sunday’s game at San Francisco.

In an e-mail to The Associated Press, NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said Wednesday, “No tampering charges have ever been filed with our office with respect to Randy Moss.”

Moss, disgruntled for most of his two seasons with the Raiders, set an NFL single-season record with 23 touchdown receptions in his first season with New England.

Davis said other teams didn’t want Moss before the Patriots obtained him.

“You know how many teams turned him down?” Davis said. “That guy in Green Bay thought he couldn’t run any more. Even Denver, where they’ll take anybody, turned him down.”

He did not identify the person in Green Bay.

Davis said former Raiders senior personnel executive Michael Lombardi, who was fired 10 days after the Moss trade, spoke to Belichick about Moss.

“What’s his name knew he could run, he’s a friend of Belichick’s. Mike Lombardi,” Davis said Tuesday. “Mike sold what’s his name, Belichick, on the idea that he could run. They tampered with him. I remember (Patriots owner) Bob Kraft saying that he had to look him in the eye and all that. They went down and worked him out, he could run. He’s their team, of course, with the quarterback.”

Moss had 98 catches during the regular season last year, 22 in the first three games. With Brady out for the season after hurting his knee in the opener, Moss has 12 catches in three games.